11 from '11

a little late, yes, but nonetheless... here are 11 firsts from 2011:

1. i began going to a Zumba class at my gym.
2. i participated in a flash-mob.
3. i had a (rare) good time partying with some of my sisters and sisters-in-law. karaoke abound!
4. i had my best time ever in my usual 5k run.
5. i committed to running my first 10k ever (yuck!) for March of this year.
6. we (finally!) redecorated our 2 gaudy bathrooms**
7. we made other major home improvement$. ($iding & window$)
8. i began cooking more & trying new recipes. (even ones you would doubt i would try! [paella, anyone?])
9. we went to Vermont & Canada (twice in 2 days!)
10. i had to call 911 for the first (and hopefully LAST!) time ever.
11. i began taking medication for my crazy. jury's still out on whether or not i like it, but it's fine.
    

here's to 2012!

**i tried relentlessly to add pix of our bathrooms, to no avail. maybe one day blogger will upload my pics a little better...

eight

to think the last time we spent this day apart was eight years ago.
and some of the same feelings arise. i miss you- again.

i know our wedding day could've been so much better. hell, our engagement period even had some bad moments.
i'm sorry it wasn't everything i/we'd hoped for.

but coming down the aisle, and finally looking into your eyes made me believe that everything was going to be alright with that day.
and, it wasn't.
but it didn't matter.

even eight years later, in my darkest & saddest moments, sometimes i conjure up that feeling again of finally seeing you on september fourteenth 'oh-two.
of looking across the aisle while the deacon was speaking and just soaking in that- that right there.
of being able to hold hands & exchange rings--- and how you liked how i did it. (those many episodes of TLC's "Wedding Story" really paid off)
of waiting for the song of eternity to finally end so we could be married.
of that kiss.
of walking down the aisle -with you this time.

i like remembering that.

so, tonight i will likely pop in the only hazy dark video we have of our wedding (that incidentally showed pretty much everything, except for the one thing i want- the kiss!).
i will peruse our albums.
and i will remember fondly why it is we are still here.

eight years later.

maybe a project of mine should be scanning our photos so we have them digitally. one would've come in handy right about now.

the first time...

i've been talking about the internet (& pre-cursor) lately, so it's made me want to share with you about my first time...

i know i'll never forget it.

The Mr. & i were dating a coupla months. I'm pretty sure this was spring of '95.
back then, i discovered these basic search engines on the mainframe. one was "Gopher" & one was "Eric". if i'm not mistaken, there are still teachers' lesson plans on "Eric". Or, they were still there a few years ago.

i remember one night (i think pre-Mr.) i was "gophering" Australia. not that we ever used that term. before people used the internet for searching things, it was hard. you had to find an interest to research. why i came up with Australia, i'm not sure. nowadays, just type any random letter into google, and a dropdown appears for you. now it's so easy to go on a searching tangent! you could probably play on google & in wikipedia for days!

one day, The Mr. came over & was telling me about this thing called the internet. it was like "Gopher" but much easier to use. & it had all SORTS of information on it. he was trying to explain & said i could look up anything. again- i had no idea what to look up. so he suggested that i could even look up sarah mclachlan & find out about her. about her music, and her background and stuff. i think i was listening to her cd a lot at that time.

so we decided to go to the library & play around on this internet thing. what was it called? the world wide web.... all addresses began with http colon forward slash forward slash w w w. crazy how we couldn't forget that http:// crap!

we went to the computer lab. & he showed me how to open it up. type it in (i can't for the life of me remember even where our starting point was, to be honest. i mean, no yahoo or google that i recall. maybe we just typed it in the address bar? no idea!)

and he then explained that anything written in blue would make the little hand come up. and that's called a link. and you can press it and get even more information.

well, in spring of '95, sitting on the front row of the library's computer lab, i inadvertently clicked a link that said (now, i know you're gonna roll your eyes. but this was ninety-five, people!) mmm mmm good. IDIOT!
apparently, no, she did NOT, in fact do a spot for campbell's soup.

no, what i got was a line by line old fashioned slow to come on screen full sized picture of- well- some blonde nak3d chick. p0rn, y'all! my very first exposure to internet was of p0rn.

the worst part of it was that we pretty much knew that from the first 2 lines that were etching across the screen. but this was back in the day. sooooo slooooow and no way to prevent it.

oy vey.
makes me wonder-
did al gore invent that, too?

the making of The Mr.

#78 explained
so i told of his engagement, but it all started .............................with mine.

who knew!?

a long time ago, in a college far away, it was the dawn of the internet. so as you read, be aware that "internet dating" is so not the same!

yes. The Mr. & i met online. only online in 1994 isn't quite the same as it is now. online in 1994 consisted of Clemson's mainframe system where you could see the (few, student) users logged on at that time. i think 50 was even a lot at any given time. & talking to these users wasn't the same as opening up an I-M and typing to them.
no. we had commands to type in. i can never remember exactly, but it was something like:
se us bruf 'blahblahblah' and i think something else [enter]

crazy! (except, let it be known that my awesome pal mike did some tweaking to my account and made it so i could cut out some of that and just input:
to bruf "blahblahblah" [enter].....this little fact makes The Mr. very jealous of me).

longer story shorter is that one of The Mr.'s friends was talking to me and was leaving to go to dinner, and The Mr. had just walked in from dinner. when he asked what was going on, the friend said- here, talk to this girl. she's mpotter, she is one of 13 and she has striped eyelashes.......

so next thing i know, bruf writes to me: hey, aren't you the girl with the shaved eyebrows......... and like 7 sisters??

and that's how it all began. god how i wish i saved that convo. little did i know how important it would become. it was awesome. we talked for a pretty good while. and i was so ON. i'm not normally that funny- but he really is!! and we were both back and forth and i was saying some funny stuff.
and although he isn't one to pay compliments very often, in that conversation, he did. finally, he said, "you're funny!" and i replied, "marry me!" and his response was, "ok."

.................................... now, that was a great story to tell. and it coulda ended there. but a few days later, i inexplicably got some tuxedo info in my campus mailbox. it was for my "upcoming wedding". say it with me: ??????what?????
so of course i thought of bruf, and went to send it to him. i had to look him up in the phone book (remember those??) and when i did, i noticed that he has a sister that i sorta knew. so it didn't seem to me very stalkerish (pre internet) for me to send the card to him.

we talked for about a month before we met officially on oct. 27th in the ampitheatre at 1am. so many fun conversations over that silly mainframe. we would both brighten as we check the log to see who was on, and next thing you know, i would have "MPOTTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!" come on my screen. to which i promptly would reply "BRUF!!!!!!!!!!"

we made plans for our first date- 15 years ago today. we were going to see Forrest Gump because he was the only person alive who hadn't. and while we were at it, let's go to the CU soccer game, too. and what to do in between an afternoon and evening date? just come hang out in my dorm room........

i got a VCR!!!!!

here's to you, 1994.
and here's to you, bruf. thank you for surviving the history with me.
thank you for guiding me, encouraging me, supporting me, helping me, teaching me.............................LOVING ME.
here's to another 15 years and thensome.

#75 explained- the magic birthday

continuing my explanations, here's more on #75 of my list of 100.

today marks the 30th anniversary of my "magic birthday".

you may remember i'm a picky eater. i now consider it a major character flaw. and i guess that started at an early age. i noticed my mom used to make me "different" food. she usually had 2 or 3 versions of the same type meal on many nights. not just for me, but i know i was the biggest culprit.

for instance, when she'd make 'chopmeat & macaroni in the oven' (clever title, no?), she'd usually make 3: one with onions & peppers. one without. and one with just onions.

she was great at remembering what we all liked/didn't like. how she could keep up with all 13 of us' tastes, i'll never know. of course, she did spend a lot of time calling me by some other name. but, eh.

it was mainly when she made casserole type dishes that she did this. regular meat & sides, she'd just offer a choice of 2 or more veggies.

when i was super young, i remember having oatmeal for dinner. or scrambled eggs in the microwave*.

apparently i came of the age i'd have to start eating what we had. but i guess my mom figured if she's making enough for an army, it didn't really matter to her if she could leave something pesky out.

still i had issues with dinner almost nightly. how many times did my sisters try to coach me into eating my veggies? i would eat them one by one. ice cold, no doubt. if i were forced to eat veggies right now, i'm sure i'd do it the same way.

oh, and i learned to swallow many whole.

how many times did i rip open the string beans and "pretend" they were peanuts? how many times would i hold my nose, close my eyes, and STILL have a problem with what i was eating? how many times would i scatter my food around the plate, because we ALL KNOW the amazing physics behind how when you do such a thing, it miraculously fools your parents into thinking that you did, in fact, eat your supper.

just eat the veggies first they'd say. because apparently warm veggies that are disgusting are supposedly less disgusting than cold veggies that are disgusting. but no! i'd rather eat what i like just in case the world ended and my last taste wasn't broccoli. (or, more likely my dad became a softy that night and let me be done). the fewer pieces of corn eaten the better, in my book.

yes. i had problems with normal vegetables, as well as the grosser ones (creamed corn, anybody?? something that looks, smells, and tastes like, well..... eeewww).

i can still right now at this very moment conjure up the smell & taste of cauliflower. and the ONE time i had to have beets.

how many nights did i go to bed at suppertime b/c i flat out refused to eat? i just couldn't. and do you know that from all this turmoil, i developed a semi-talent...

i digress.

my mom made the BEST spaghetti ever. apparently. every sibling that would have people over for dinner for all years would request that we had either spaghetti or chicken paprikas. she was famous for it.

no jar here. unless you count the tomato paste that went in. with homemade meatballs as well. we usually had spaghetti on wednesdays because that was her bowling night and her night off from work. so she would start it in the morning. it was an all day affair; this famous sauce.

(2 meatballs a person, y'all. she had to ration. pity the pals that would come over and we didn't tell them that rule! and if she added sausage to it, you were allowed one of those)

not me. no thanks. tomato sauce.... eeks.

she'd drain my spaghetti, put mine aside with butter & mix the rest. i rarely got seconds. but honestly?? i LOVE spaghetti w/ butter. it's not that i tolerated it. even now, sometimes i crave it. it really is good.

so i knew i was a pest. and i knew i was tired of not liking things. and i was convinced that i was just being a baby. that if i just told myself to like spaghetti (et al) i would.

so somehow i figured that 5 was my magic birthday. i guess 5 year olds have much more mature palates than those damn 4 year olds! ooooh, i talked this up so much. weeks?? my family was in on it. and helped me convince myself that i am right.

for my birthday dinner (anything i want), i told my mom to make RED SPAGHETTI. yes i was serious. no, i didn't want paprikas. (shocking, i know!).

one of my sisters can vouch for me. i WANTED with all my heart for this to be my magic birthday. (don't butter it, mommy. i want to have grown up RED pisketti!) i was going to like RED pisketti. i can't wait! it's my magic birthday.

until i tasted it.

luckily, mom had the foresight to save me some WHITE spaghetti.

i was so disappointed. imagine... if i didn't like my mom's spaghetti sauce... there's none out there for me.

so it's now the 30th anniversary. and there's no spaghetti on the menu this weekend.

*who the hell eats scrambled eggs in the microwave?? i once saw an episode of Take Home Chef & when Curtis picked the chick up & asked her what was for dinner, that is seriously what she was planning on having. it was priceless! not "scrambled eggs". but "scrambled eggs in the microwave". i lived on them. not anymore! i'll dirty up a pan no problem.

little did i know

#89 explained, or part 2 of the engagement story.

so yes. little did i know all the things that were happening behind the scenes so that on friday, july 27, 2001 The Mr. would propose to me. (just 10 days off, Tom!)

little did i know that back in june, probably even before i started the thinking and the mulling and the harping and the obsessing The Mr. started putting everything in motion with an email to my sister.

her husband was a diamond dealer at the time. (nice!). The Mr, my sister, and her husband have even sat together before looking at the stones he brought home one day while they had us over for dinner. all of us knew exactly what i wanted: traditional. gold. round. less than a carat.

little did i know that The Mr. met with my BIL & already picked out a ring for me before our trip to michigan.

little did i know that when i went to a kickboxing class, i would break the one fingernail that was important to me.... after a summer of finally growing my nails out.

little did i know that my flippant comment made thursday night of "look which nail i broke. oh well, don't need it" would be resolved the next day.

little did i know that i about gave The Mr. a caniption b/c i kept asking why the window curtain was off to the side. (it would help you to know how very unobservant i normally am. for me to notice this was kinda "off")

little did i know that it was off to the (wrong) side b/c while i was at kickboxing class breaking my nail, he was talking to my parents asking their blessing. and he was antsily waiting for me out the window because i was due home any moment.
i came home right after he hung up from my mom.

we had planned to go to eat at our favorite indian restaurant in ATL on saturday. and i don't remember exactly why, but The Mr. thought it would be fun to go after work instead. so we planned to do that. a real-live date on a friday night? no way!

little did i know that friday morning he was done with me whining, and while he watched me sleep, he went into the closet, looked at the ring and almost just gave it to me right there. (thank you, honey for NOT doing that!).
i'm pretty sure my discussing possibly moving in with my friend who wanted to move out of her parents place had something to do with that one.

so friday comes. and i should let you know that when i was teaching i tended to get some major cabin fever by the end of the summer. couple that with the obsessing i was doing, and i guess i wasn't like the funnest to be around.
although i was really excited for date night. take me out of the house and into the big city, pa! WOW.

we had a nice dinner. very normal. nothing out of the ordinary. day-to-day conversation. then The Mr. suggested we check out a park he's heard of. we love going to parks, and took weekly walks at a local park near our apt. so this --- didn't clue me in. it was early yet. we're in ATL. let's go to piedmont park of course.
and that's where i stupidly talked about stupid stuff. i can't even remember. but i swear i think i was recapping a little of Days of Our Lives. (seriously???)

we walked all around the lake. little did i know he was scoping out the "perfect spot".

oh. did i mention it was late july? we're in pants. and his car's air was busted at the time. so we drove the half hour to ATL with the windows rolled down. (my car was having tire issues, so we didn't wanna drive on those either).

see--- so NOT what you'd think in a proposal. i coulda been way cuter. and less stupid w/ the conversation.

until we sat down at the lake. taking in the scenery.
and then The Mr. starts talking. and god how i wish i could remember everything he said. i didn't even remember it back then. i do remember he opened with how glad he was that we started talking about this stuff lately.
(really? b/c i know i'm harping on it a lot). it's been good. and he talked about our past. and what i mean to him. and it was all a really good conversation.
(still no freakin clue.... i just figured he was FINALLY opening up b/c he knew he really should by now). and i just blindly said my "thank yous, me toos, uh-huhs" enjoying this new side of him.

little did i know he had a diamond ring box in his sock so i wouldn't see/feel it in his pocket. [with the exact ring i wanted. that still garners me lots of compliments]

we were already sitting, so there was no awkward getting on his knee or anything.
i didn't even see him get it.
& because i SO wasn't expecting anything, i wasn't even looking at him during this part of the heart-to-heart. i turned my head to see the view & then alluvasudden, he had different types of words coming out of his mouth.

he continued to tell me that he loves me. and he has liked growing with me. and he said something to the effect of how he wants to continue to grow with me. and then he asked "would you do me the honor of becoming my wife......will you marry me?"

i'm not even sure how much of that i really heard. b/c right when it started to sound all propos-y, tears and shaking and emotions just flooded me.
hugs and kisses and yesses abound. shrieking. and watching him smile oh so big. and more hugs and kisses. (in public, y'all!!!)

i truly never thought he could surprise me. i always thought i'd know. even down to hearing him opening up, it really didn't occur to me. and i always thought i'd have a clue.

afterwards, sharing our bliss i see a white van with no windows drive nearby. twice. so not 5 minutes after he proposed to me did i ask him if it was a joke... and were we on Spy TV?

he went on to explain that he had thought of proposing on our way to g'ville to see his parents, and stopping by clemson to do so. but then he thought he'd like to do it here in ATL. because this is where we're making our life together, and he wanted to make new memories for us.

little did i know....

#88 explained

to continue with further explanations (ie: a post idea!)
here's where i give the background of our engagement. (#88 in my 100)

i really never thought The Mr. could surprise me with an engagement. i know that makes no sense, especially now seeing how many surprises he's kept since then.

we had been living together for a year. so i knew that being together all the time would kinda ruin the whole "hey, why not get all fancied up for no reason, no reason at all, but let's go to some place extra special just because" proposal. i mean, really. we aren't the type to just regularly have nice dinners in ATL all the time.

let's rewind a little.
moving in with The Mr. was SUCH a huge deal for me. i really didn't want to, but saw many reasons why i should. it's the catholic guilt & moreso the potter guilt that went with my having to tell my parents that *gack* i'm gonna move in with him.
[and, no. that didn't go very well. but it didn't end our lives or anything, so...]

however, after being together already for 5 1/2 years, i was kinda scared of the whole "why buy the milk....." i remember the night before he hauled my stuff to GA i cried to him & made him promise that he had intentions of marrying me at some point. otherwise, i just didn't think it would make any sense.

of course he did.

so i promised myself that i would right then and there NOT discuss anything having to do with the m word (or the w word) for at least a year. let him do things on his own. i knew his plan was working out. he had wanted to graduate, go to grad school, have a job & establish himself before he'd propose. so i was giving him time to do that.

and i did great!
took weddings and marriage out of my mind. lived our life, blahblahblah.

then it was time to plan a vacation. we were going to go to michigan to see where he was born/lived up until 7th grade. he was raised in detroit, and had family in some areas around there. so we made a vacation out of seeing his haunts in detroit, see family, and travel up to see the sand dunes (abso-f-ing-lutely amazing!) & macinac island, and all kindsa fantastic places en route. it truly was an awesome trip that i still remember fondly. i highly recommend it!

it was right before that trip that i started to have inklings creep into my brain. mainly b/c my friends came to visit us, and i was having a convo with tom about how i just didn't think it would be happening anytime soon. (The Mr. was asleep, so i wasn't hinting here). he predicted it would happen on our trip. he even gave a date. (july 17th)

but really, i wasn't harping on it at all.
until we got there. and not one set, but 2 of the 3 sets of family we saw began to question ME about why we aren't engaged.... more than once.
each time, i answered an appropriate: "ask him!" (they didn't).

and yeah, it came to mind on the 17th. and maybe 2 other times where it was OH SO ROMANTIC.... this would be perfect, pleasepleasepleaseplease.....

the last thing we did there was to go back to his grandmother's. and she lives out in nothingplace. (coincidentally awfully close to tom's small town which i asked her to take us to so i could see the brand new [only] stoplight!)
so on the way back from nothingplace to detroit to catch our flight, we had time to talk. where i told The Mr. that grandma has been asking about the future of us.... both times we saw her. more than once.... hint. hint. let's talk.

so whatever. we talked.
but by then the cat was out of the bag. and i become, um.... rather obsessive. once i get goin, it's hard to stop me. so of course all week long i thought and thought and mulled and cried and fussed about when and whynot and when!?!

i kept bringing it up. and The Mr. would respond. at one point he even said something cryptic (hi! hindsight... i see you now) about maybe by sunday he will be able to tell me how he's feeling.

finally, i'd had ENOUGH of the talk and the thoughts and the sleeplessness and the crabbiness. on that friday i had told my friend on the phone "i'm done. i'd rather be with him and not married than to be without him. so it's fine if he's not ready. i'm done with the obsessing"

friday night- we were engaged!

should've named her whiny

little bean is 9mos old now. how in the hell did that happen? and more importantly, when will it stop??

i've read in some books/emails- (you know the ones that all new moms read and then panic about because their baby is doing something waaay different)- that it's usually around this age that your baby may choose a lovey.
...please tell me you understand me when i say "lovey". The Mr. had never heard that term before, and for the life of me i can't think of another word for it- except for the clinical transitional object.

i'm a pretty idiotic new mom. i've wondered about little bean's lovey for about 6mos now. i wonder how it gets chosen. i wonder if i'm s'posed to just make her love something she likes to keep with her when she's needing comfort. & if so- which do i choose? i think i read somewhere that it usually just happens b/c baby will pick up on one of the objects you may leave in the crib. but i've read in lots of places that objects shouldn't be left in cribs. soooo you see i'm perplexed.
(and stupid. yeah that).

LB's at the stage that she just wants to eat everything we give her anyway. there's no favorites here. if it feels good in her mouth at the time, then great. but before long she gets inexplicably frustrated and tries to literally rip it apart w/ both hands. she flails it aside. only to grab it again and stick her big mouth and 2 bottom teeth on some random piece. begin again.

she has eaten: her rabbit, her lamb, my curious george (both large & small), a tiny soft monkey book, a remote, a soft block, a nerf ball, any of the pieces to her stacking toy, any book we give her, any toy in the basket, oh yeah- the basket itself.
she will put just about anything in her mouth. except for teething rings. not a big fan- especially if they're cold. (what about those damn books again?)

well, i've been thinking about loveys & i have some stories to tell.
i vividly remember one christmas i got a new doll for christmas. it wasn't just any doll. it was a Drowsy doll. incidentally, one of my sisters had also gotten this doll way back when she was a littly, too. so i guess Drowsy made the rounds in my family. which makes me wonder- how could they stand it?? not once but twice!!

if you clicked on the picture link above, mine was the pink one at the bottom. and wow. with adult eyes, i say: does she look stoned to you? i'm guessing they did their best at making her appear *ahem* drowsy. thus the name.

she was made back in the dark ages (i guess began in the 60s. i received her in the late 70s). back when nobody cared about children and endangerment and all the cool toys had pull strings.
so you pull on Drowsy's string and she would call out some phrases that i can hear in my head even now. the site mentions them as well. i remember only 2:
i want a drink of water & mommy, kiss me goodnight.

but to hear her tell it? a little different.

how about: iii waaant a driink of waaaaaatterrrrrrr. & mommmmy, kiss me good niiiiiight.
her tone and inflection is still etched in my memory. i repeat it sometimes for The Mr. when i want to be particularly annoying. even as a kid, tho' i loved her, i did realize she was a bit whiny.

i cannot believe this doll survived in my house thru karen and then me.
hmm, thinking that thought "on paper" makes me realize i don't have her in my memories for very long. ya know, i bet one of my brothers probably ended up stealing her or something.

oh i would kill to hear her voice now. to see how off target i really am.
maybe i should get one for little bean. The Mr. would love it!
of course, she'd probably choke on the string.