Monday, March 31, 2014


we interrupt this period of not posting to give you a handy tip learned from the monkeys.

if a banana is hard to peel b/c the stem is smushing into the banana, do like the monkeys do and open the banana upside down.  it is much easier!

huh.  who knew??
guess that's something that didn't carry over from evolution.  guess the walking upright and ability to hold a conversation got first dibs.

Monday, January 6, 2014


ah yes.
intentions are grand, aren't they.
i've been waiting til' the bean goes back to school so i can blog a little bit about the living room update, or how i feel about Dr. New Guy. or how the holidays were. or just about anything...
guess what?  they canceled school. for today AND tomorrow. due to cold weather.

you northerners up there just got a little more fodder for jokes, didn't you?

this happened to me once before when i was a teacher.  the busstop forecast was unheard of around these parts (single digit temps and negative {single digit} windchills).
it is happening again. for the next 2 days we will have a high of 27.

i know that's considered Autumn for some of you.

i *think* what may have happened is they were intending for it to "snow" in the middle of the night....  which (of course) did not happen.  but to give everyone ample warning about closures went ahead and called off the two days.  tomorrow is supposed to be even colder than today.  with 6am temps at 9 degrees/ -3 chill.

i will say that i am at least glad it didn't end up snowing.  though i wasn't really thinking it would actually amount to anything you could play in- i'm glad it did stay away.  b/c the bean- who was sick much of the last week of school- missed the last day of school and apparently left her great winter/snow coat in the classroom.
that would have just been ironic.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

tis the season

so as much as i've wanted to un-neglect my blog, it's been a little busy these past few days/weeks with christmas prep.

shopping was done, volunteering at the school, room-momming, the bean was in her holiday recital.  she got sick.  The Mr. is battling "this little girl cold", the in-laws are here (again; as they came for the recital just last week) & i've been hostessing, baking, eating, baking, The Mr. has been cleaning! and i've been baking.  intermixed with some game-playing with my little brother (in-law).

overall, things are good.
nothing more than the usual holiday stress (fun kind) right now; with the sick stress rolled in.  that's made things slightly less pleasant; but there's not a pill i can take for that.

i'm really excited to see the bean's face when she sees what Santa brought her.  i'm looking forward to stealing my F-I-L's ipad for candy crushing trying to relax in between the rest of the cooking prep & holiday fun.  and, because the wonderful people in movie-land have been so kind enough to keep Frozen on the big screen right now, we *may* re-instate The Mr.'s family tradition of going to a movie on xmas!  it will be the bean's first experience in a real movie theater.  that will be fun!

okay. back to my breakfast prep.
i hope your holidays are enjoyable & safe!
see you next year!!

(The Mr. & i are going to have a small R&R time right after the holiday, too!  so much to look forward to!)

Friday, November 22, 2013

these days

just a super quick update to say Hi! I'm still here.
all is well.

it's been the better part of a month, and i've started my new meds (#3!) and i think i can say i'm noticing a difference.  i can't account for why i have had a couple of sluggish days in the past week, or why my motivation plummeted after being so awesome these past two weeks since The Mr. was down under again.
but i can say that even though i was sluggish & unmotivated, it wasn't as though i *felt* depressed.

the last time The Mr. was in Australia, i had just begun welllbutrin.  i was reluctant to go on these new meds (pristiq) right before he left, however, the 2 weeks prior to his leaving i felt i was slipping into a funk.

this time of year- from october-jan 2nd- is always my pick-me-up time.  i love it.  looking forward to things & planning occasions is usually enough to keep me balanced.  last year, though, i was OK, i noticed it wasn't quite the same as i'm used to.  this year i feel more like my autumn self. 
so when i was starting to slump, i decided to begin my meds.  The Mr. joined the rest of you people and bought a smart phone so that it would have global calling abilities, should i need him.
i think the fact that i had my whatever episode last time was enough for me to really encourage that.

the past few weeks while he was gone, i was extremely motivated to exercise & eat (somewhat) decently.  even when the bean was having some really bad days & being a terror, i kept everything at bay and didn't let that rile me up like i would have before.

The Mr. is on his way home now, and we are truly looking forward to next week.  he'll work from home the first part of the week & hope for an "easy" time.  The girl & i will try to occupy ourselves and have playdates before we venture to g'ville for our thanksgiving holidays.
we are all so very excited to be together & dare i think--- relax!!

i hope you can do the same.
enjoy your families & friends.

see you in december....

Thursday, October 10, 2013

medicine merry-go-round

exactly what i didn't want to happen, seemingly is beginning to happen.
Dr. New Guy is taking me off Wellbutrin.
only to put me on something else.

i am so very frustrated with this.  this is exactly why i have been fighting meds.
i am so vague in everything, i will never know if meds work.... and now i should try yet another.
give that time to "work".  how will i know if it does??

as i've said before, a pill that i take will not make the people around me better.
the bean will still be a brat.  the marriage will still sometimes have flaws.  The Mr. will still travel.  the stress will still come & go.
i still get random bouts/days of feeling depressed.  some days i can ignore it. some days can be just fine.

i have been keeping track.  there is no pattern.  it would stand to reason that PMS could be a factor in my depression.  and that could possibly happen for a day or 2 before it comes.  however, it can come 2 weeks, 1 week, or not at all before it comes, too.

so, i asked Dr. New Guy if i should wait for this new meds for when i'm in my down mood.  he said it was a personal choice.  but to realize it could take time for the meds work.
he said i could go ahead and begin my new meds now.  but The Mr. & i agree that i should first wean off current meds.  wait a week or so & clear my system.

in light of the random side-effecty type symptoms i seem to get; i'd rather have a clearer picture on what the cause could be.  the new meds or the "withdrawal" from the old meds.
or just my general freaky self i've been struggling with for forever.

i have begun the process.  i will take 1/2 pills til' i'm out.
and as far as beginning something new...............
i just don't know!!!


the only good thing that has come of this so far, is that in researching the new meds, i came across a "progress tracker" so now i can have a better description of my days & progress instead of just my spreadsheet that says "depressed".  maybe this can shed some light on things, too.

still, though, GAH

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

day whatever

so much for my quest for documenting my new meds....
well, i guess i kinda suck at it.

i have been on a full dose for the better part of 2 weeks.

the short of it is i have had a few (much smaller) bouts of oddity going on.
this type of stuff has plagued me my whole life, and it's quite frustrating. nothing major happens; and anything that is major i fail to be able to describe.
the only thing i can ever say in those moments is "i don't feel right"
vague, much?

so lately, i have little single instances of a woozy feeling.  i'm not sure i would classify that in the "dizzy" category of the side effects.  to me, dizzy sounds like a constant -vertigo-feeling (which sucks so bad!).
every once in awhile, i have felt the world just turn upside down.  or move below my feet.  or some odd thing like that.  but then it's over.  in those times i try to be conscious of any anxiety and tell myself not to get a panic attack.  (is that something you can even control?  i don't know).

The Mr. was home last week. and though that helped he wasn't on the other side of the world, i still don't feel any differently.  i still got (quite) annoyed at the bean & her bad behaviors.  i still got frustrated at situations.
i'm not sure *what* i'm supposed to feel...  will butterflies and rainbows follow me overhead now?

the thing that keeps me skeptical is that i already have random bouts of depression.  so maybe i just take this dern pill for 6 months and see if i have any bouts of depression then?  b/c as far as i can tell, that's gonna be my only "tell".

i did have a productive day yesterday.  and am hopeful for a better october in that regard.
so did it affect my motivation??  hard to tell.  maybe.

headache- 0
dry mouth- 0
nausea- 2
insomnia- 0
dizziness- 2

 not sure what i'll tell Dr. New Guy when i meet with him next week.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

day 13

there's not a whole lot to report w/ any side effects, but i thought i would write a little about it.
since my last episode- i haven't really had that same feeling. (well, certainly not to the same extent)
however, since The Mr. has been gone, i decided to stay on the half-pill course until someone can be here if i wig out again.  Dr. New Guy said that sounded like smart thinking.

it didn't stop me from driving 3hrs to & from g'ville with the bean.  i was slightly nervous coming home because my cell died & i didn't bring my charger.  so i had to keep any anxiety at bay since there'd be no way to contact anyone if anything dire happened.

so i don't feel any immediate effects.
but- i'm 1) on a half pill,  and 2) a world away from The Mr.

as for the other side effects:
headache- 1
dry mouth- 0
nausea- 1
insomnia- 0
dizziness- 0

 i've had a few instances of just feeling annoyed.  i'm blaming long days or hectic times & not having a lot of time to talk with The Mr. for so long.
we'll see if things even out in the next week or so with that...

Saturday, September 14, 2013


to The Mr.:
again, we are spending this day apart.
i re-read the post from the last time we were apart on September 14th.
those memories of our wedding day are the ones i try so hard to conjure up.
and smile every time.

my anniversary is just beginning, and yours is just ending.
(no doubt you spent this day doing amazing things down under).
i hope we have many many more years together.
and no more anniversaries apart.

next time, can i come with?

i love you.
thank you for our love.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

days 5 & 6

i'm still on the half-pills.
and right now i'm not feeling very well, physically.

i had a moment where i alluvasudden didn't feel good, and then THAT made me have anxiety. 
since that happened this morning, i have just not felt well, and am increasingly getting tired.  though i didn't sleep very well last night, so that doesn't help.

i'm not calling it my medicine just yet. but i am on the lookout with it.  if it keeps continuing, i need to re-evaluate.  but 6 days in i can't imagine is enough to do me in!  (3 pills)

headache- 0
dry mouth- 0
nausea- 2
insomnia- 0
dizziness- 2

Monday, September 9, 2013

days 3 & 4

so, again, i've taken 2 half-pills for the past 2 days. 
my side effects these past 2 days are:

headache- 0
dry mouth- 1 (or is it thirst?? i have been exercising the past few days)
nausea- 1ish.  it's not exactly nausea, but more of a tight belly.
insomnia- 0
dizziness- 0

i will also note that even though irritability isn't on the list, the last 2 days have given me less patience & more annoyance.  (which i thought this pill would solve)
admittedly, that may have a lot to do with circumstance & not the medication.  but i did want it noted in case it comes up again.

i exercised today for the first time since being on the pill, since i hadn't had a chance to do so.
i was fairly productive this morning until i sat down.  then i felt my legs go to jelly & have wanted to do less walking around.

i have plans to exercise tomorrow and take a class at the gym that i've been wanting to.
but it will be a very busy morning tomorrow...  i hope my plan will work!