Wednesday, April 27, 2016

to do list

sometimes, you just need a kick in the face


 and then, you see, you forgive yourself afterwards.

our cat NC had been doing that a bit when i had to document it for all the world.  this is the same cat who can't just outright go outside, but has to go under the table (away from the door) to snake around the chair and THEN go out the door.

Friday, January 29, 2016

...and the no good very bad day

today was not a good day (so far).  when she woke up this morning, bean said her belly hurt a little but then was fine.  she does that some mornings.  i try not to read too much into it (anxiety) and just know that i have a lot of mornings like that myself.  she's always fine with breakfast.

but today was the first day she said cried the words "but i'm not pretty!"
that broke my ever-loving heart.  i am trying not to read too much into it, because it all stemmed from a particular skirt she wanted to wear that is a size FOUR T.  so yeah.  it doesn't fit. (though she wore it last week??????) 

it was just one of those mornings.  we all have them. i get it.  nothing seemed right.  but i didn't like her to continue to say-cry-scream that she's not pretty.
it made me very very uncomfortable.  because obviously i want to be there for her when she is feeling down. especially if it's upon herself.  and i'm not quick on my feet for saying & teaching the right things.  the "yes you are" a) doesn't work or b) help the idea but it's c) automatic.

she has never ever ever heard me say anything negative about myself.  i accept every compliment she gives me.  i negate nothing.  i only slipped up once when she said that i looked cute and i was in some sweats or something.  i questioned her a little too much in that i would expect that i would be cuter in nicer clothes.  but i did let it go fairly quickly and thanked her. 

she has developed a love of skirts & dresses.  and she wears a skirt over leggings almost every chance she gets....  she felt she wasn't pretty because she couldn't.  
i tried to say all the right things about clothes not mattering, etc.  but she didn't want to hear it.  she even said her "special" wavy hair today wasn't pretty b/c it was supposed to go with the skirt.

a bad day.  i get it.  just like Alexander. 
i hate those days. 

but she really IS so very pretty!!!
(even when she just wakes up)


Tuesday, January 5, 2016


but wait, there's more!

in continuing to document what i can't "brag" about...

the bean is super loving.
she writes me notes and loves my snuggles.
if i'm not feeling well, she'll go find an appropriate stuffed animal friend to give me.  sometimes it's even Flopsy!!
she finds heart things in everything- from food to leaves to rocks.  if she can collect them she does and always gives them to me.

she is at an age, apparently, where she is looking outside of herself and becoming generous/sensitive to issues like cancer & poverty.  [ a lot of my friends are reporting this same thing at this time... it's so cool!]
i hear "you're the best mommy in the world" a ton.

i know of course you all can relate.
and i'm so thankful for that; otherwise the world would be even worse if our kids weren't capable of love and generosity.

but about a month or so ago, she took it just one step further.
we were snuggling and she said again "mommy, you're the best mommy in the entire world" of course i thanked her and then she said that she is so glad i'm her mommy because if she had a different one, she would feel bad for not loving her as much because i'm already the best.


Sunday, January 3, 2016

so anyway

for whatever reason, i have let all blogging go, apparently.
and i know that it's highly unlikely anyone will even see this post now.  but that is fine because i wanted to document it so i wouldn't forget all about it.
it's good for me to remind myself of things.

this is not something i can even really share out loud with my friends because it comes off as way too braggy.  it is not intended to be that way at all; but i need to just remember how awesome my daughter is!

just like all kids- she is beautiful.  she is smart.  she is hilarious.  she is loving.
and i need to remember in particular just how much she is all of these things.
all of my friends love her to death and tell me how neat she is.  this wouldn't come as any big shock to anyone who knows her.

one thing i can't share out loud is what a remarkable writer she is becoming.  at the beginning of the school year, i learned that she is one of only 6 in all of 2nd grade who was as prolific of a writer as they want her to be by the END of 2nd grade.  they determined this based on a piece given to them in august.  they counted word length and vocabulary use/sentence structure...  all that teacher-y stuff.
i saw the sample and wasn't terribly impressed; but at the same time was impressed that THEY were impressed.
well apparently it continued to bloom because she came home with a graded piece the other day that knocked my socks off.  she got a perfect score on it.  it was a piece where she had to either pretend to be a settler or a native american who came to Mary Musgrove's trading post.  she had to use some words from a word bank- which i imagine helped direct the kids into a thought.

for those not familiar with teacher-y things; this already seems to be a difficult assignment.  it would be quite difficult to pretend to be in a historical time and write in that point of view.  let alone needing to be accurate in facts. 

the bean took to this assignment and went with it.  completely.  i began reading it and was all "what? that didn't happen" because it started out with the words "My dad killed a deer."  then i kept reading and thought surely she was copying something so they could understand about this time.  then i got to where it read "a breeze was cool on my face"  and "the line was short so I didn't have to wait long." and i was flabbergasted.  the actual assignment was stapled behind all this; so it was awesome to read first then see.
i asked her which words on the word bank she used (that was in part of the grading) and they were simple words like "trade" and "Mary Musgrove"

i have never seen her write like that.  i have never seen any of my students write like that.
with the ability to "transport" the reader.
it was awesome.
she is awesome!

Thursday, March 12, 2015

supportive friends

i love the daily/weekly checkins with my friends.
i hate that i don't talk to all of my friends as often as i should.
but i concentrate when i do hear from a friend how much it makes me smile.

i need to be a better one!

Saturday, February 28, 2015


it is apparent that i turn the little ones in my life lazy.  or snuggly.  however you wanna look at it. 

the bean who used to flail out of any cover ever now knows exactly how to snuggle into them with me.  and we start each morning before school with 15minutes of just that!
yiminy, who was never a lap-cat before, has certainly learned how to. he mainly comes when i call and i can usually get him to snuggle with me.  or then there's times he finds my belly and just plops right down.
(sadly, all that became more prevalent after we lost sweet Doh)
then NC ("neighbor's cat") who spent a year and a half campaigning to come into our house routinely shows her appreciation.  when she sees me sitting down, she comes to snuggle.  not only snuggle, but she will butt up against my leg and glue herself to me and puuuurrrrrrrrr

all this becomes a problem because i can't stand to disturb a good snuggle!   

my day is turned around and dependent on a good one.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

The Mr.

today's daily grateful is brought to you by The Mr.
not to be all drippy and sappy.  i'm not feelin it like that....
but i am constantly reminded of how lucky i am that he is in my life.  the fact that he is makes my life better. 
so that is something i need to constantly keep up front of my warped little head.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015


that my kitty who was hospitalized recently seems all back to normal and sleeps with me all through the night, eagerly awaiting my alarm to go off.

now if only he could do that for The Mr.

Monday, February 23, 2015

daily grateful

i would like to try to get back into this- even if it's short and uncomprehensible....

i am in fear that my motivation is still not where it needs to be; maybe i try this umpteenth medication- i haven't yet just because.

i want to focus on so many things- and that's usually my problem.
maybe if i start kicking my ass more. like i used to.

so for now i'm hoping to start a daily grateful....
there is SO much.  and i really am aware of much of it.  but hopefully if i write something down, that can be my positive.

this one came to me yesterday:
while i was napping (:

it came with a piece of her valentine's candy and a big smile.
i thought the note was sweet enough.  i love those 3 little smileys she drew! ha!! 
and sorry to burst all y'all's bubbles that i am the best mommy.  she tells me this constantly!!

maybe one day i'll believe her (:

Tuesday, February 10, 2015


this is the umpteenth post i've thought about writing.
i just never do because i can't formulate my thoughts complete enough.

i'm still here.

and speaking of umpteenth, i am starting yet another medication.
ohmygod the ups and downs!
finally found something that more or less worked, but the side effects are such that Dr. NewGuy wants me off. and to begin something ELSE.
this is like my 6th medication?????  
holy hell.

generally speaking, things have been fine.  in the last month i've felt a little more up than down.  the holidays came and went and were fun.  i thrive in that busy time of fun!

since i wrote last, i turned 40 and had a wonderful blast with some of my closest girlfriends in a mountain house.  so now plans are being made to do a mother/daughter trip late this summer. 
other plans are being made for spring break and summer.....  things are nice right now.

i'm disgruntled at the newest medicine.  i will fill it and begin later this week.....
hope to be back to document!