nails and thieves

warning:  this post will be about the dreaded topic of religion.
proceed at your own risk. 

the bean has been going to a church preschool since she was 2.  down here in the south, unless you shell out the big dough for montessori preschool, then church it is.  back then, she went 1 morning a week.  last year was 3 mornings & this year is 4.

The Mr. and i are not religious.  and i personally have struggled with the concept of religion and what i believe (or not) since i was in college.  when we had the bean, we decided we would forgo our comfortableness & one day bring her to church.  we understand that we live in a religious area.  99% of her friends growing up will definitely be believers.  many of them will be avid.
we want her to have an understanding about the world she lives in.

but more importantly, we want her to be accepting of the world she lives in.  accepting of everyone.  religious or not.  ultimately, we want her to be a compassionate & good person.  and i have seen first hand in some of my "very faithfully catholic" family that religion is not a guarantee of that.

all this to set up this upcoming holiday around the religious preschool she attends.
i understand that obviously, she will learn about God & Jesus.  and this kid seriously asks us some deep huge questions (already!).  we are glad that she knows about them, and "loves" them in her capacity.
incidentally, growing up, i remember listening to 2 albums-- Music Machine & Bullfrogs 'n Butterflies.  i bought these for the bean last year, and she plays them most times during her rest time.  she loves them! (as did i!...... quite catchy, those tunes-godlike and all.)

i understand that easter is 90% about Jesus.  i've said before that christmas can be important both because of jesus, and the spirit of the season.  but with easter, i've always been confused.

i have no problems with the bean learning about Jesus and his birth, and even his death- as long as it is all done appropriately.  but i see no reason in bringing in some of the gory details when it does nothing to serve a 3 or 4 year old in their understanding/accepting of Jesus' love.  (which, is kinda the point at this age, right?  an introduction in this belief, and an openness to becoming christian as she gets older)

last year, i was pretty confused as to how her school handled some of the easter story.
i wasn't offended.  but honestly confused.  one day, out of the blue, she asked me what "thieves" were.  i explained it to her and realized that in telling the story about Jesus' death, they mentioned the 2 others on the crosses next to him.  in fact, she came home with a "craft" that was nothing more than gluing 3 crosses on a paper.  (in itself was pointless) and explained to me the other crosses were for the thieves.
which, what??   what does that have to do with the reason for the holiday?  a simple "Jesus loved us and died for our sins" mantra would have sufficed for a 3 year old. right?

well, this year it got better.  she brought home a paper with a few tidbits of information, which she put some christian-y stickers on.  (again- pointless).  and on that paper is the short story of the reason for easter.  not forgetting that "Jesus wore a crown of thorns and the soldiers used nails to hang him on the cross to die"
really??  was that the best word choice?  you couldn't just get to the whole "Jesus loved us and died for our sins and three days later rose again"??
you had to be gory? 
which, in my opinion can hold value for christians.  to learn of the suffering and humiliation involved. so people can grasp the severity of the situation.  and realize the scope of his love.  i can understand that.  (don't people still suffer and get humiliated?  it's relatable) but i can understand that as a child gets older.  maybe around 8.  where in the catholic church, teachings get more involved as they prepare for first communion. (which you need to understand in order to get the full effect of the catholic communion).
8 year olds have a certain maturity to them. (here is another take on an 8 year old in the Mormon/LDS church)
and if that's not the magic age.... i beg to differ that four is it.

so many concerns and questions i have in regards to religion and raising our daughter.
it is something The Mr. and i discuss.  and of course- it's personal and different for everyone.
so please understand it's not the underlying issue i have issue with.  it's the details that i just think have been shared a little too needlessly to the too young.

and rant is now over.

in control

it struck me as odd to see a van today for a business.
it is called:
"God's in Control Transportation"

christian or not, i would want someone else more available to be in control of the van i'm riding in!
i mean, what if God was too busy answering someone else's prayer right then?

easter is for chocolate

easter has come & gone. little bean's first one. and since she's still so young, The Mr. & i didn't feel the need to hypocrisize this year. (can i make up that word?)

i was talking to a friend of mine who asked me if i had gotten the bean an easter dress. i may have even chuckled a little when i said "no". it's not that the idea of having an easter dress is preposterous. but we weren't even considering taking her to church. and if not, well, then why get the dress?

christmas was concentrated on the Santa. easter on the basket. (which should've been filled with candy- but she's 9months old, so we'll wait on that. along with dyeing eggs & hiding them...)

i knew that the first time we take this unpredictable baby out to church should not have been the day when all catholics come out of the woodwork. growing up, that day was always standing-room-only!
i know before too long, The Mr. & i will be setting a good example. taking her to church, eating vegetables, speaking more kindly, etc...

christmas is obviously a big holiday in the christian world. but it wasn't ever just about that for me. maybe because i still believe in Santa. i understand it's about the giving & the spirit of christmas. i understand the hidden meanings that aren't about Jesus/religion per se, but about goodness & cheer. to me, there's more to celebrate than just Jesus being born.

but easter has always been a confusing holiday for me. it's pretty much the day that culminates everything a catholic believes. we even 'believe' that when we take communion that it is not a symbol of Christ, but a miracle of Him in itself. well, in order to have that, He would've had to die (& then rise again).

i never knew why the egg was chosen to center all activities. or had such a great feeling about the Easter Bunny as i do with Santa. but i always enjoyed it. & i will enjoy it again next year. this year, however, we laid low. she wore a onesie outfit w/ a bunny bib. she had an easter basket from the bunny filled with books & gerber graduates, plus a toy. gramma & grampa gave her a basket with some of the same types of things. we enjoyed spending time together & watching her be able to interact differently than at christmas.

but nowhere did Jesus come into play.
for that i know i'm failing...
i'll fake it later.

hypocritical oath

recently we had the littlebean baptized.

this is one of the occasions in motherhood i knew for certain that we would be partaking in.
but, unlike the hippocratic oath that doctors take partaining to ethics in their field, i feel quite conflicted due to this hypocritical oath that i took promising to teach my child about jesus & the catholic church.

how ironic is it that i am the only one (of 13) in my family to date & then marry a "catholic". so this shoulda been quite simple.
however, things change, and i guess we're not near as catholic as we used to be. that's why i'm 30something having my first child.
ohmigod, i think my mom had 10 at this age!

since i don't make any official standings in what i believe or don't believe, what i do know is this: nothing!
i don't really think about it a lot b/c it's just too heavy/too much/too muddled. and i just don't feel comfortable having the bean grow up without any religion at all.

i have to start somewhere.
let the hypocrisy begin....