Wednesday, May 16, 2012


i've been feeling low lately.
of course, it could be because i have weaned off my meds due to my health issues.
or it could be my health issues.
the age-old question of which came first.

am i feeling tireder now because of adrenal fatigue syndrome?  or because i'm depressed?
am i depressed because of my AFS?  i really can't come out of this neverending circle.
and, not really trying to be funny about it, but not seeing the end of the circle is making me depressed!!

today, specifically, i felt myself sinking by the minute.
does it help that i'm uh, particularly hormonal today?  PMS doesn't normally effect me very much, that i can tell.  (but don't ask The Mr.)

i was agitated.  i'm hitting walls left and right.  and i can't even get happy about planning for trips in my future.  (more on that soon)  which is usually sure-fire!
i (rudely) hung up from IM with becky.  [so sorry about that. i was about to lose it!!]

---------are you kidding me?  my computer just got unplugged for like a minute.  and it shut down in the middle of this.  INEEDANEWCOMPUTER TO ANY MR.THAT IS LISTENING

so i knew i needed to stop being agitated and depressed.  i decide to look in my email folder marked "love letters".  just an assortment of emails i file away when i notice how they made me feel.  um, less than 20.  since 1999.  there ya go. another reason to be depressed.
The Mr. giving me less than half of those.  a bigger reason to be depressed.
[in full disclosure, my inbox is currently filled with 1400+ emails that need to be filed/deleted... i try to mark them 'love' right away; but i'm sure there are a few floating out there]

then i came across some emails referring to my mother's death.  
and when i read 2 emails saved from my mom (& dad) i just lost it.  

so here, i was trying to pick myself up.  and oh so much worse i made it for me.

also, truly- i had more poignant things to say regarding all this. but i have since lost focus, what with having to reboot (really. a new computer would be awesome) and i'm just not very focused right now. so i'll stop whining.

for now.


Pregnantly Plump said...

Oh. I'm sorry. It sucks when you do something to make yourself feel better and it backfires.
Have you ever gotten lost in the crazy videos at Funny or Die? I think some of them are truly hilarious. The Onion also lifts my spirits sometimes. But that could be my news background that makes me enjoy it.

Leanne said...

I'm sorry. But don't apologize for writing this, that is what blogs are for - to vent. They are cathartic, right? Hugs.