meds update

****i have had this post in my drafts for over a week; i guess i'm just not exactly sure what to say/feel about all this...
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i know it has been a long time since i've discussed my meds (celexa) for my depression.

i have been on it since july- so 8months. and have never really determined if it helped anything. as i'd mentioned, parts of my life generally helped my feelings at certain times. looking back, and talking about it with The Mr., we haven't really noticed [felt] any significant change.

well, beginning at the end of january, i've been inexplicably sick. headaches, nausea, fatigue, faintness, and general discomfort have come and gone for the past 11 weeks. i went from a LOT of exercise (as one should) to NONE. it hasn't seemed to help.
after lots of waiting, i have finally gotten my bloodwork back, and was quite disheartened to hear some of the information.

namely, my cholesterol shot up. specifically, my "bad" cholesterol. oh, and my thyroid is (to quote my doc) "suboptimal". along with a few hormonal issues and low cortisol.

lucky for me, i realllly didn't want to go on any depression meds, so prior to this, i had my thyroid tested and bloodwork done. and in one year, my numbers got QUITE skewed.

considering that i have always been honest about my crappy diet, and knowing that i didn't used to exercise at all; much less quite consistently from september-february; january being almost daily! obviously, cholesterol should've been kept at bay.

one would think.

my doctor and i discussed "how in the world could that happen so very quickly"?? she theorizes possibly the low progesterone and low cortisol could be affecting my everything else.
so she wants me on quite a few supplements and prescriptions.
with me looking into things in may and seeing if changes in diet and these meds will help my numbers come down to where they were.

well, guess what?
in one google search, i could come up with a very plausible reason why my numbers are all so wonky:
according to DoubleCheckMD, this is what they come up with:

(oh by the way, i'm thrilled that an underactive thyroid is considered rare)

and just so you know, i didn't go to med school. but this is what the first page of google looked like when i decided to look into it:


i've wanted to call the doctor and be angry. but i know that wouldn't solve anything. i will just go back in may and then find a new doctor if i need to- in order to "start over".

so, The Mr. & i discussed my meds. I talked with my therapist about them. and, interestingly enough, a week or 2 ago, i had a really depressive day. so maybe that shows me that they haven't truly helped me a lot.
or?? maybe i don't have a clue what is realistic to expect.

other bloggers are very poignant about their struggles with depression, and it always strikes me as amazing how well they know themselves. i, however, do not.
so maybe this is the best i get??

in any case- we have decided that i will wean off of them. my OB/GYN (prescribing doc) told me how to do it "correctly".

i never considered that celexa was CAUSING any of my problems. as i said- it has been the better part of a year... so why now. i went off of it specifically to see if my cholesterol can lower and my thyroid can go back to being what it was last february. but it is pretty interesting to note that i am one week into the weaning, and i've only had one bout of fatigue. incidentally, that was NOT the day i had been awake since 4am and on the go for much of the day.

so, yes- there is an I in Fail. but i'm hoping some of this can get back on track...