skeptical, statistic

so it's kinda official.
i am not thrilled to be a statistic (or will be starting tomorrow) concerning being one of the bazillions out there who are being treated for depression with medication.
and i am quite skeptical.

i am deciding to blog about this quite personal subject because i think i need to have a record-of-sorts as i venture into this unknown. i have a great tendency to make my memory fuzzy & vague if it's something important, especially to my health.

so here it is.

just the run-down of it:
my depression symptoms are here & there. just a persistent feeling that is sometimes better/worse than others.
no particular "trigger".

currently- i guess on a scale of 1-10, today would be a 4.5. tho' admittedly, tonight is a 6 because i guess i'm feeling a little anxious about taking the medicine starting tomorrow. however, i guess the 6 has more to do with the anxiety and not necessarily the depression.

disclaimer- it doesn't help that i'm quite tired today after losing about 2hrs of sleep again last night when i got up b/c of the bean. i've been pretty draggy all day. (and you see i'm not yet sleeping b/c i need to get this out of my head)

the medicine is a generic form of Celexa.

i feel skeptical about it for a few reasons, one of which is that i know this isn't some sort of magic pill that will suddenly erase things i'm unhappy with in my life. nor will it amnesia-fy me.
dammit.

another reason for my skepticism is that because i've been dealing with this crap for forever, and medication is supposed to be so subtle... ummmm i don't know how the hell i'm supposed to know if it's "working".

there are other reasons, too, i guess. but those are the main ones.

so here, i open up fully so that i can have documentation of whether or not this is "working" for me.
and if it doesn't.....
???????