status symbol?

in catching up on some of my blog reading, i came across this one about feminism from pregnantly plump. [for some reason, i can't get the link to pull up; my apologies. it's titled: setting back feminism from aug. 31st] which prompted me to decide to write about this:

the other day, i was talking to a friend who called to see if she could come over to meet the bean. while we were talking & catching up, she had asked when i was returning to work. when i mentioned that i wasn't, she said something puzzling.

to be fair, i'm not saying this is her view, or if she truly just "heard" about this---she may've tried to be subtle, but i really couldn't tell. all i know is i've heard about the "feminism debate"; but i hadn't heard this take:

apparently, being a stay-at-home-mom is supposedly some new status symbol. when i asked what she meant, thinking she'd say that it's looked upon as a "noble" choice or "toughest job ever" & all that jazz, i was taken aback at the answer. apparently this status symbol is for The Mr. & how it says a lot that the husband can make so much money that a wife can stay home.

i ask you now: wtf??

ummm, let's re-word that.
how bout it says a lot that a couple can plan and prepare for years to make this choice b/c it's how they view themselves as raising a baby.
let's try: it's a status symbol that 2 working adults can sock away some money if needed in the future.
how bout it measures how smart they are for planning ahead in order to realize the idea.
how bout it says a lot that people will make sacrifices by scrimping when they go from 2 salaries to 1 if it's important to them.

now if i tell you that i am staying home & the maid comes every wednesday, except whilst we're in our vacation home in fiji--- wellthen!

the b*ching is over --- for now

i wanted to write about something i'm likely not to whine about. excuse my posts as of late.

i recently caught up on some blogs, & came across swistle's post about her son's musical instrument choice. & i say: YAY!

i also played clarinet growing up, & it was the best thing i could've ever done. i was very anti-athletic. i've often wondered which came first: my apparent lack of athleticism, or the apparent lack of opportunity for athleticism. i'd never enrolled in soccer, softball, t-ball or whatever. why??? to this day i throw like a girl. & i catch like a baby. i wonder if i could've had these skills had my parents given me the opportunity.

anyway- apparently the thing to do in lil' ol' selma, al was to join the band. all my friends were in it. the popular kids. everyone. i liked the 6 week stint i had in the 6th grade. (very clever of them to have us try out each elective...)

i didn't really know what i wanted to play. i had a friend who played flute. and 1 who played clarinet. since my parents were able to get a used clarinet from my brother-in-law's brother, that's what i got. and i loved it!

so in 7th grade, i started practicing quite horribly. i learned how to finger the notes from my friend amy. i mottled thru whatever was given. but i enjoyed it. it's something you can do on your own & at the same time add to a group.

i enjoyed my first band director: gerald buford. (wonder where he is these days?)
he was funny & a lot of fun. god, what a saint. i bet he secretly had earplugs fitted so we couldn't see them. can you imagine being a band director during the first year we all learned to play??

i know it drove my parents crazy. and i was just one lousy instrumentalist.

however, i'm very proud of my clarinet days. & i defend my "band geek" status. i was only called that by my family anyway. ('cept now The Mr. likes to get in on it).
i made tons 'o friends, learned a new skill, traveled all over & did something with time. i can't imagine if i did nothing. & i got pretty good at it, too.

i didn't play in college. i actually had a freak accident that hindered my ability to play for a while. but a few years ago, i tried to pick it up again & took some lessons to remind myself. but it's not like i was going to have the time & willingness to get really good at it, since there's no way for me to be involved with it. so i stopped.

it's on display in my bedroom along w/ my favorite sheet music for my favorite song: chorale prelude in e flat.

so for our wedding, we had a quartet play as well as for the cocktail hour (that we didn't get to hear). and this weekend, when the twins down the street asked us to support their band fundraiser, i said OF COURSE. when i heard they both played clarinet, well- i just beamed with pride! ok. maybe not. but still.

i miss it. sometimes i think about picking it up again. i kept meaning to play for the little bean when i was pregnant. i wonder what she'd do if i play it for her now. maybe i'll find out. and if the little bean wants to get in on this game, i'll totally defend her band geek status as well!

rehab

isn't rehab typically a 60 day program? well, if so, then consider me rehabilitated.
not that i had very many intentions to the contrary beforehand, but my kid breeding days are over!

i have been a mom for 60 days now.
that's 1,440 hours.
since she's only successfully taken the bottle ONCE, that's over 700 feedings that i have been solely responsible for. grant it, the bottle came from me, so i guess i've been solely responsible for all of them. still. give my boobs a break!
i estimate we have changed over 650 diapers. since she cries all the time she's not held, her most violent cries always end up with the need for a diaper change. sometimes 2.
i estimate that i have held her for 250 hours myself. that probably doesn't count for the countless hours The Mr. holds her when he comes home. of course, if you add up all the feeding time, i've held her way more than that!
of the 86,400 minutes we've been together--- i bet she has cried for 80,000 of them! okay. that is an exaggeration. but ohmigod!

so, you can see that my views weren't unfounded when i wrote about them here.

thanks in advance for the comments that will undoubtedly say: "it will get better"... but i've heard it before. i have lots of fears about what her behavior means/is doing to her. i know it will still be hard. different. but hard.
since i was little, i'd always joked that i'm gonna marry rich so my kid can go to boarding school from 7-18. only, boy--- maybe it wasn't much of a joke.

i fear teenagers. and now that i have a girl- yikes!

i'm sure there will be more posts on the pleasure of being a mom on here, since i can't vent on my other blog...
but i guess they'll have to wait till i can think with any clarity.

bring on day 61.